New Chances
by Rikki8879
Summary: Sometimes you just need a friend...
1. New Chances

**New Chances **

****

By Rikki

It was late at night. Somebody was sitting in the dark mess hall, thinking. Thinking about the past two months and about the things that had happened before. Two months with the same procedure every day. Getting up, going to duty and afterwards sitting in the dark mess hall, thinking.

Kathryn Janeway was thinking. Now, two months after Kashyk had left Voyager, she was still thinking about what could have been. The memory of the time with him was still vivid, the times they had spent just talking and the times they had kissed. God, it had felt just wonderful to feel as a woman again. To be a woman, attractive and sexy.

But somehow, it hadn't felt right. There was something missing with him. Kathryn couldn't tell what it was then. Now she knew. She had never really trusted Kashyk. There had always been this little voice inside her mind telling her to be careful, not to give her heart away too easily. But she had refused to listen.

And now? Where was she now? Sitting in the dark mess hall, thinking about her broken heart. 'This is really great! Kathryn Janeway, the proud captain of the Federation starship Voyager lost in the delta quadrant, is crying over her broken heart!' she thought. At the moment, she didn't feel proud at all. It still hurt. She had been betrayed by someone she had trusted completely. Nearly completely. Nearly? Well this was exactly the point. This and ... and the fact that there was another person aboard this ship she cared for very deeply. Someone who was just out of reach.

Kathryn was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't hear the doors swish open. Tom didn't see her at first, only when his eyes had adjusted to the darkness he could make her out sitting in front of the window.

"Couldn't sleep?" Tom stepped closer after he picked up some fruit from Neelix's kitchen.

"How about you?" Kathryn avoided the question not wanting Tom to know about her problems.

"Oh, well, ... I guess it's never easy to find some sleep after breaking up a relationship." Tom shrugged. Somehow, he seemed to sense what was wrong with Kathryn. But after all, it had always been this way.

"You ... broke up your relationship with B'Elanna?" Kathryn looked at Tom with disbelief. This just couldn't happen. They had been happy together. At least, Kathryn had thought so.

"Actually, we separated in peace. We just sensed that there was something wrong in our relationship." In fact, Tom wasn't too sure himself what was actually wrong. It had just felt not right.

"I'm sorry." Kathryn looked at Tom. He could tell she really was sorry for him. But why was she here? She had evaded his question.

"So, it's your turn now to tell me what's bothering you." The usual cocky grin was back in Tom's face. But he knew only too well what effect it always had on Kathryn. Her defences seemed to fall slowly.

But it was so difficult to tell someone what she felt. She hadn't talked with anybody about her time with Kashyk, not even Chakotay.

After a long pause Kathryn slowly let out her breath. She trusted Tom, and he had never failed to lighten up her mood. Perhaps it would work tonight, too.

"Kashyk." Somehow, Kathryn knew there were no more words necessary. Tom would know the whole story. Miraculously, he had always been able to read her moods and even her thoughts and say just the right thing.

"You really loved him, didn't you?" Tom sat down next to her. He knew this was going to be a longer talk. Kathryn just nodded.

"It's hard to lose someone you love. But you know I really think he was just using you. Even though he might have made you happy for some time." Carefully, Tom put his hand on Kathryns shoulder, somehow afraid to touch her as though she would reject his comfort.

"At this time, I thought he made me happy. But now, I've realised that there was still something missing. I just couldn't trust him. Not as I trust ... you." Saying this, Kathryn blushed slightly but managed to keep her eye contact with Tom.

Gratefully, he squeezed her shoulder. He felt lucky that she confided in him. Normally, she would just talk to Chakotay about her private life.

"Care to join me for a walk on the holodeck?" Tom thought a change of place might help a little.

"Thank you but not tonight. I think I will go to bed now. It's late." Kathryn padded Tom's hand and stood up.

Tom looked at his captain. She was such a fragile little person. It seemed impossible to him that someone would hurt her on purpose.

"Good night captain. Sleep well." Tom stood up as well watching her as she left. After the doors had closed Tom looked at the fruit he had picked up earlier. He wasn't hungry any more so he put it back to the kitchen and left the mess hall. He could as well try to catch some sleep.

Some days later Tom was walking through Voyager's corridors. Even though he was missing B'Elanna he knew that it was just better this way. They were still very close with each other, talking and spending parts of their sparetime together.

At the moment, Tom was on the way to his quarters. He had just left B'Elanna and Chakotay in the observation lounge where they had spent the evening listening to Harry playing the clarinet. But now, B'Elanna and Harry seemed to get along very well with each other. They always had but now, well actually they were getting a little closer.

Tom was still thinking when he recognised that there was somebody standing right in front of him. Too late, he bumped right into him. Fortunately, the other one managed to find his balance. After having a closer look Tom saw that it was his captain.

"I'm sorry, Captain. I just wasn't looking. Are you alright?" Testingly, he laid his hand on her shoulder as if to make sure that she really was okay.

"Yes, it's okay. I wasn't too attentive myself." There was a shy smile on her face. She looked as if she had been crying before.

"Well, then let me invite you for a drink on the holodeck. As a compensation for this little excitement." Tom grinned and held his arm for her.

She took it gratefully, and laughed.

"Sounds good to me. And, to be honest, that's exactly what I need at the moment."

"Then I'm all yours." Tom led her smiling to the turbolift and ordered it to the holodeck. Somehow, he was really happy that he had ran straight into her.

Arriving at the holodeck Tom opened the file for Sandrine's. At the moment, it was the most appropriate program available. Comfortable surrounding, good music, cool drinks. And Sandrine who always knew when her presence was needed and when not.

Tom and Kathryn both took a seat at the bar. In the background you could hear an old song from earth.

"That's Frank Sinatra unless I'm much mistaken." Kathryn listened a moment more intensely, trying to figure out if she was right.

"Yeah, it is. It's "Strangers in the night"," Tom said, having a glance towards Kathryn. "Somehow, it seems to fit to our situation."

"I don't think you would call us strangers." Kathryn looked at him, smiling. She really enjoyed Tom's presence. She always had. Somehow, it was always comfortable to sit with him just talking. He knew, being a fleet brat himself, that even captains are just human under their uniforms.

In the meantime, Sandrine had placed a glass of red wine in front of Kathryn and a beer in front of Tom. Kathryn took her glass.

"Well, to lost loves!" Tom picked up his glass for a toast. Kathryn just smiled and sipped from her wine.

"How do you feel?" Kathryn had put her glass back down on the table and looked at Tom.

"Not so bad. At least, not as bad as I had thought I would. But on the other hand, I guess it's just better this way." He looked down on his hands.

"Afterall, B'Elanna and I enjoyed the time together very much but it was more like a very close friendship than a relationship between lovers. You know, spending time together, having fun but no talking." Somehow, Tom managed to grin but Kathryn could see the pain in his eyes.

"And how about you, Captain? Feeling any better" Carefully, he took her hand into his.

"I'm not sure." Kathryn just didn't know how she felt. At the moment, she just felt numb. There were no emotions at all, save the hurt and perhaps a pang of loss. But that was all. And then there was Tom, having separated himself just some days ago and asking how she felt.

Tom looked at Kathryn. She seemed to be lost in thought for a moment. And she looked so beautiful. At this moment, Tom realised what a beautiful and attractive woman she was. It was strange that he didn't notice before. But then again, he thought he had known all the time, from the moment she approached him back in Auckland. That sunny day in the penal colony.

"Care to dance, Captain?" Tom came back to reality, realising he was daydreaming about his captain in her presence.

Kathryn looked up.

"Well, ...uhm, yes, why not. And please, call me Kathryn when we're off duty." She wasn't all too sure whether this was right or not, just that she enjoyed Tom's company as she had always done. And a dance with a friend couldn't hurt, could it?

The music playing currently was something slow, 20th century earth she guessed even though she didn't recognize it.

Tom led her to the dancefloor. The pool table had been deleted so that there was enough space to dance. He put his arms around her, careful not to invade her private space. But she moved closer nearly immediately they had started dancing. Tom really liked the feeling of her small body pressed against his. It felt ... a little bit like home. He saw that Kathryn had closed her eyes, head resting against his chest. He closed his eyes as well and enjoyed the feeling of holding her so close.

Kathryn enjoyed the feeling of being held again. It had been so long since a man had done that with her. And with Tom, she just felt safe, like nothing could ever hurt her. Like he would never hurt her.

After what seemed like eternity, the music stopped playing. They both opened their eyes again, not really willing to come back to reality.

"That was wonderful, Tom." Kathryn looked at him with one of those genuine Kathryn Janeway-smiles on her face. Tom could tell that she was really happy for the first time in months. Somehow, he didn't know what to say.

"Yeah." He looked at her, carefully raising his hand to caress her cheek.

She stiffened a little at the touch but she didn't pull away. Instead, she just covered Tom's hand with her own.

"Thank you for this wonderful evening. But ... you know, early shift tomorrow." She smiled and finally pulled hesitantly away.

"I know. I'll walk you to your quarters." Once again, Tom offered her his arm which she took with a warm smile. She liked being courted this way. It might seem a little old-fashioned but it was very cute. Especially from a man like Tom who used to be so cynic and cold at the beginning of their journey.

The few crewmembers they met on their way to Kathryn's quarters looked at the couple with a mixture of wonder and joy. Somehow, everyone aboard had sensed that their captain wasn't happy during the last period of time, and they were glad to see her smiling again.

When Tom and Kathryn finally arrived in front of her quarters they fell silent.

"Thank you for this wonderful evening, Tom." Kathryn looked at him and smiled. Indeed it had been a wonderful evening. The time they used to spend together on the holodeck before Tom started courting B'Elanna was just like this. Now, it seemed that everything was just going back to that. Well, not everything.

"We should really do this more often." Tom caressed her cheek, shyly and carefully, not wanting to destroy the closeness they had felt the whole evening. Kathryn just nodded. She liked the feeling of his skin on hers. It felt ... familiar and then again completely exciting.

"How about dinner tomorrow?" Tom didn't want to push her too much but on the other hand, he felt like he couldn't stand to be kept away from her – in matters of private time – so he just had to ask.

"Sounds wonderful. My place?" Kathryn's heart started beating a little faster at the prospect of spending another evening with Tom. Anyway, it sounded a lot like a date, and that was something she had desired for a very long time even though she wasn't ready to admit it until now.

"I'll bring the food. You take care of the wine. 1900 hours?" Tom blushed a little. It was just too good to be true. He had to be dreaming. He had just asked Kathryn Janeway for a date, and she had agreed! Unbelievable.

Kathryn smiled in agreement and then turned to key in her codes in the pad at her door. It whooshed open. She turned again ... and kissed Tom goodnight on the cheek. She smiled again at his surprised look and entered her quarters.

"Good night, Tom." Finally, the doors closed behind her.

"Good night ... Kathryn." Tom just said to the closed door. It was really amazing. The woman of his secret dreams first agreed to a date and then kissed him, even if it was just a peck on the cheek. Sometimes, life was good, Tom decided and left for his own quarters.

Alone in her quarters, Kathryn was wondering whether she had done the right thing. God knows, she loved Tom since the first day they met in Auckland. He had looked at her in his at that time usual arrogance but somehow she was able to see through. Until now, she had always considered Tom just a dream, having him as a friend was wonderful but now it seemed very much that he liked her as well. In a way a little different from friendship.

"Well Kathryn, calm down!" Kathryn smiled to herself. She was excited as a teenager about this date. And so she went to the bathroom to take a long bubble bath, all the way humming the melody of "Strangers in the night" before she went to bed, sleeping deep and well for the first time in months.

The End


	2. New Chances Part II

**New Chances Part II**

According to Earth's calendar it was the beginning of the year, another year in the delta quadrant far away from home. But then again the old year had ended very promisingly for him.

At the moment Tom searched Voyager's database for a very special information. In about two weeks would be Valentine's Day, and he intended to show Kathryn Janeway how much he loved her. In order to do so he was looking for a special gift he could give her.

During the last weeks they had seen each other nearly every evening after their duty shifts and spent a lot of time together. And Tom was sure he had the best time of his life when he was with Kathryn. She made him feel alive as only one other lady could do: Voyager. But Kathryn also understood what he felt, he didn't need to tell her.

Suddenly the door chime rang.

"Come in", Tom said, looking up from his computer. B'Elanna entered, a huge smile on her face. It was clear that she was happy with Harry with whom she had spent a lot of time recently.

"Hi Fly boy." B'Elanna kissed him hello on his cheek, a habit she had kept from their time together. But Harry didn't mind since Tom and B'Elanna had remained good friends.

"Hi Bel. How are things going?" Tom motioned to his sofa and seated himself in one of the large armchairs he had managed to get on a recent away mission.

"Well, actually quite good. I just wanted to check on you. And tell you not to forget Valentine's Day. She would be disappointed." B'Elanna grinned at the expression on Tom's face. Both he and Kathryn had thought they had managed to keep their growing relationship a secret. But they should have known that it was nearly impossible to keep a secret on Voyager. Rumours travelled faster than warp speed on this ship.

"Then rest assured that I have already started the preparations." Tom leaned forward to pad B'Elanna's hand thankfully. He was glad that B'Elanna knew about his relationship with Kathryn. Somehow, it felt better this way.

"And what do you think about it?" Tom looked at her, somehow concerned what she – and perhaps the rest of the crew – might think about their captain having her pilot as boy friend.

"I really think you make her happy. Just look at her. She smiles more often than she has during the past years. And you are more at peace with yourself. I know you that well to be able to tell that. I'm really happy for the two of you." B'Elanna smiled reassuringly at Tom. Of course, she was happy for them. She wanted Tom to be happy even if it hadn't worked out with herself. And the crew needed a happy captain.

B'Elanna stood up.

"I should go now or I'll be late for a date with Harry." She went towards the door then stopped and turned again.

"You know you and the captain ... you are really made for each other." With that she turned around and finally left Tom's quarters.

Today was Valentine's Day. And somehow all the crew seemed to be in an all too romantic mood. Everywhere happy couples could be seen, plans were made for the time after duty shifts and it was almost impossible to get some time on the holodeck.

Kathryn sat in her ready room, studying a pile of padds with reports on ship's systems when her door chime rang.

"Come in", she called looking up from the padd she was holding.

Tuvok came in with even more padds, holding one hand behind his back.

"Good morning captain." He put the padds on her desk and looked at her with a curious expression in his eyes, the hand still behind his back.

"Good morning Tuvok. So, how can I help you?" Kathryn saw that he was up to something if you could use this expression for a Vulcan. For someone who didn't know Tuvok so well it wouldn't have been visible but Kathryn had known him for long years.

Tuvok finally moved his hand from behind his back and gave her an apricot colored rose.

"Today is Valentine's Day, and even though Vulcans do not honour traditions like this I want to thank you for all you have done for this crew and for your friendship. It is an important part of my life, and I am honoured to serve under you." Even though Tuvok claimed to have no emotions his eyes showed a certain warmth. Kathryn was really moved.

"Oh ... thank you Tuvok..." She didn't even know what to say so she just hugged him.

Then, Tuvok left her alone again with her work. But it meant a lot to her coming from her old friend. Most of the time he was kind of a guide for her, always knowing the logical choice, pointing out her mistakes and miscalculations. But at that moment he had been her good old friend.

When Kathryn looked at the pile of padds Tuvok had brought with him she realized that these padds contained Valentine's cards from several crew members who just wanted to use this opportunity to express their gratitude for their captain's achievements. Suddenly, Kathryn had watery eyes. She blinked the tears away but she couldn't help but feel very grateful to have such an outstanding crew who had managed to form a family so far away from home. And she felt love and joy for this crew overflow her.

She put the reports away, those could wait until she had finished the Valentine cards. After she had read those from Harry and B'Elanna, Sam and Naomi Wildman and Chakotay she found one from Tom. It was very short and mysterious, saying "Meet me at 2000 hours on holodeck 2, replicate dress Kathryn2, love Tom" but she was sure he had something very sweet prepared for her.

Now time seemed to pass slower and slower but finally Kathryn's duty shift was over and she could leave for her quarters. She had another hour before she was supposed to meet with Tom so it wasn't much time for deciding what to wear. But then she remembered that Tom had already taken care of that issue. After she had taken a quick shower and checked on her present for Tom she stood in front of her replicator ordering Tom's creation for her.

It turned out as a 19th century dress in light blue emphasizing the colour of her eyes.

At exactly 2000 hours Kathryn entered the holodeck. When the door vanished she found herself in a huge park at a warm summer evening. In her back she could see a castle which must be somewhere in Europe. It had a large terrace and a fountain at the bottom of the stairs leading up to the entrance of the castle.

Tom came towards her following a long lane.

"Hello, my love. Happy Valentine's Day." He gave her a deep red rose, then embraced her and kissed her deeply.

"Hello, darling. Happy Valentine's Day to you too." She wanted to give him her present after dinner. But at the moment she was rather curios where she was.

"Tom, this is so beautiful. Where are we?" She looked around trying to figure out herself but then again she wasn't too familiar with all the castles spread all over Europe. Or maybe this one didn't exist any more in the 24th century. If this was the case it was really a pity.

"We are in Sanssoussi castle in Potsdam, Germany. It's the castle of the Prussian kings. And we will have dinner here, then we can listen to a concert of King Frederic II. He played the German flute excellently." Tom caressed Kathryn's cheek. She looked truly beautiful in the dress he had chosen.

Kathryn closed her eyes. She liked the touch of Tom's skin on her's, and she definitely liked the program he had created for her. Sanssoussi castle had indeed been destroyed somewhen in the 22nd century when a prototype ship crash landed in that area. It had never been rebuilt so she had only seen holo-images of it.

And now she was going to spend a wonderful evening here with Tom, the man who had freed her heart from the chains she had created herself because of protocol. And because she was just afraid to loose her love again. Just like Mark. And before him, Justin.

"Sounds wonderful." Kathryn smiled and covered Tom's hand with her own. He just smiled back at her, glad that she obviously liked his program. He had tried a couple of variations in time and setting but he liked the castle best during the summertime and in a warm summer evening. There was something magical about it then.

Tom offered her his arm, and together they walked towards the castle. Climbing the stairs carefully with her long dress Kathryn turned around to have an overview over the surrounding area. It was indeed a huge park. It must be wonderful for a trip in a horse carriage.

Finally, they arrived in a large hall which was richly decorated with marble in different colours and a lot of gold. But it was beautiful.

In the middle of the hall a large dinner table was situated. It was set for two persons, with silver cutlery, fine china and two large candles. And a bunch of at least fifty red roses.

"Oh Tom." Kathryn was speechless. She wasn't used anymore to being courted like this, just to enjoy the sensation of being adored and wanted. Treated like a woman. And Tom was a romantic after all.

The evening had been a complete success. Kathryn had really enjoyed his program, and after dinner she had given him his present – a CD with Frank Sinatra's songs and a CD player. It was a reminder of how everything had begun. Anyway Tom's love for everything concerning the 20th century was a well known fact on Voyager.

It was late when they finally returned to their quarters. In the already deserted corridors they hadn't met any crewmembers which was all to their liking. Tom had told Kathryn that B'Elanna knew about their relationship, and she was happy about that as well. And since B'Elanna was very happy with Harry Kathryn didn't feel guilty about being so happy with Tom.

At last, they stood in front of Kathryn's quarters. As always Tom had walked her home, and now they just didn't want to part. They held each other's hands and talked quietly when suddenly the doors of Chakotay's quarters opened. He was still in his uniform and seemed to have waited for Kathryn.

"So there you are!" he stated angrily. Kathryn was startled. She hadn't expected him to be still up.

"Hello Chakotay." Tom said. He was as surprised as Kathryn but also determined not to let Chakotay ruin the wonderful evening. And it was rather clear that the commander was pretty angry.

"I didn't talk to you so shut up!" Chakotay took two steps in their direction, his face full of anger.

"Chakotay, what's wrong?" Kathryn was really shocked at Chakotay's behaviour. She didn't know him like that, and it was not like his usual calm self.

"What's wrong? You are seriously asking what is wrong? I've been waiting for you for years and now there's this playboy with you. You must be crazy. He probably doesn't even love you. No one loves you as I do. And how could you betray me with this.... with this jerk of all people! After all that happened on New Earth!" Chakotay was really outraged.

Kathryn tried to stay calm. It was bad enough that Chakotay didn't bother to keep his voice low, so she didn't want to raise any more interest in this little conversation.

"Chakotay, I do not betray you. Nothing happened on New Earth. I have to admit that I felt someway attracted to you there but I also told you that I could never have a relationship with you. I thought we had it all talked over." She looked at him helplessly.

"Perhaps we should continue this discussion in your quarters or we will wake up everyone around," Tom stated. Kathryn nodded and entered her code. The doors opened. Tom walked in while Kathryn motioned to Chakotay to follow him. When the doors had closed again Chakotay continued with his accusations.

"But why him? I mean he can't give you what I could. He's just playing around with you. Just one more trophy in his collection."

Kathryn wanted to say something but Tom raised his hand.

"No, Chakotay. You're wrong. I truly love Kathryn with every inch of my heart. She trusted me when no one else did. She gave me the assignment as chief helmsman. But I loved her even before that. I loved her from the first moment I saw her in Auckland." Tom smiled at Kathryn.

"Thank you, Tom. Look, Chakotay, I love Tom just as much. I could never feel the same for you. I thought you knew that. I thought you had moved on. I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt you." Kathryn looked a little sad as she said so. She wasn't sure what else she could tell Chakotay but it was the truth. During the time on New Earth it was nice to have his company, and at that time she was sure she could build a life with him. But then again, she didn't have another choice when they still thought they would spend the rest of their lives on that planet. But fortunately Voyager had come back for them. Chakotay just wasn't the man she could love. She was an explorer, she was destined to be among the stars. Just as Tom.

Chakotay had calmed down a little. Suddenly, he was very embarrassed about his outburst in the corridor. He didn't know what to say except to apologize.

"I'm sorry, Kathryn. I didn't mean it. I'm just disappointed I guess." He was breathing deeply to steady himself. "I wish you all the best. When will you tell the crew?" He would stand up to her decision in front of the crew if anyone doubted it.

"I don't know. But we'll let the senior officers know first." Kathryn was glad Chakotay didn't make any more trouble.

"Thank you Chakotay." Tom simply said. He knew what it must have cost the older man to accept their relationship. Everyone aboard Voyager knew he had had a crush on their beautiful captain forever, and there was more than one betting pool on when the two would get together.

Chakotay nodded silently and left Kathryn's quarters. He knew when he had lost.

Tom and Kathryn looked at each other. It was clearly visible that Kathryn was kind of shocked about that unexpected confrontation. On the other hand, she was glad it was over. She had always feared Chakotay might still have feelings for her but now she was sure he could finally move on.

"Thank you Tom." She said as she went towards his embrace. She was glad Tom had been with her in these awkward moments

Tom took her in his embrace. It was horrible to see her like that.

"It's alright, honey. It's over." He kissed her lightly on top of her head.

"I'm so sorry he said all those terrible things about you." A muffled sob escaped from her.

"Don't be. I used to be this jerk. But now, I'm a better person. Because of you. You managed to find the best in me and brought it to the surface. You were the only one who saw the real Tom Paris when everyone else gave up on me." Carefully, he caressed her wet cheek.

"I love you!" Kathryn looked up and met his eyes with hers. In her eyes he could see the determination to make this relationship work, no matter who opposed it or what the crew would think. She had finally come to the conclusion that she deserved a little happiness. And B'Elanna's reaction had already told her that the crew might even approve her choice.

Tom led her to her sofa. She snuggled up next to him and closed her eyes just to enjoy the sensation of being held. Tom looked at her, happy that she had finally let go of protocol. After a while, Kathryn had fallen asleep in his arms, and so Tom sat silently watching her smile in her sleep. He would tuck her in later on but for now he just enjoyed the view and her warm body next to his.


End file.
